Our husbands are better lovers and more loyal– Women married to much older men
Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Adeyemi ( m) and his young wives
The
Ighalos and the Olawales are neighbours, and have also been good family
friends for the better part of the last five years. But interestingly,
their first meeting didn’t go as well as their current relationship
suggests.
When the Ighalos newly relocated to their
Surulere residence from Ikeja, both in Lagos in 2009, the Olawales were
the first family to welcome them to the neighbourhood. The age
difference between Niyi Olawale and his wife, Olanike, is wide apart and
so, they were offended by the new neighbours’ remarks on hearing that
they were not father and daughter. Olawale was 60 while Olanike was 33.
“It was a first for us to see a couple
with so much age difference. Although we didn’t know their ages as of
the time, it was glaring that the man was much older than the woman. It
was later after we had become friends that they told us how they felt
insulted by the way we reacted to the information.
“Honestly, my husband and I thought the
man was the woman’s father and that they were teasing us, so we freely
joked about it. I think they got annoyed because as they tried to
explain to us that they were a couple, we kept insisting that it
couldn’t be. We were like ‘how could he (Mr. Olawale) be married to a
woman that young?’
“I think my husband also joked about
being the first person who would volunteer to call the police if he knew
that Mr. Olawale was having sexual relations with his daughter,” said
Victoria Ighalo, who is three years younger than her husband.
Love is in the heart, they say, and if
it’s true that it is also blind, then looks, educational qualifications,
fat bank accounts and certainly age should not matter. Such idioms are
quite popular but the society is still amused by relationships and
unions such as that of the Olawales.
Some people still believe that such
relationships exist only because of their financial rewards and so are
hardly willing to accept claims by such couples of being hit in the
heart by the cupid’s arrow. The young partners in such marriages are
usually branded gold diggers and the fact that the older partners are
usually very rich does help arguments that such unions have anything to
do with love.
In spite of this general perception, many
of such couples don’t care if people snigger at their backs. To them,
they are in love, married and ready to live their lives together, even
with the chances that the old man or woman, depending on the situation,
could die soon. One of such persons is Olanike.
After being introduced to our correspondent by the Ighalos, Olanike agreed to share her experience with Saturday PUNCH, but with her husband’s permission. Olawale, though, declined to offer any comments.
[/media-credit] Women married to much older men
The Olawales have been married for about
eight years. Olawale was a rich widower when he met Olanike, but she
insists that her attraction was based on pure unadulterated love for
him.
“He had lost his wife when we met but I
didn’t marry him for money; people can say whatever they like. It is not
everyone who marries old men that do it for the money, sometimes, it is
because they have genuine love for each other,” Olanike said with a
measure of conviction.
“I love my husband because he’s caring,
mature and responsible. I like the way he pampers and gives me
attention. People often think that marrying someone much older than you
means there will be no sex, but that is a lie.”
The secret
Olanike attributed the secret behind the success of her marriage to a much older Olawale to moderation.
“We have sex but the secret is not to
overdo it,” she said with a coy smile. “My husband is not into frequent
sex which is okay by me because I don’t want someone who will want to
have sex everyday, in the first instance. If it will happen once in a
week or two weeks, he makes it count.”
Asked if she’s not bothered by her
husband’s wrinkly skin, Olanike asked “what wrinkly skin? I don’t see
all that because I love him.”
As Olanike shared her story on the
balcony of their posh duplex, her two children who she had with Olawale,
played a chasing game, screaming, shouting and catching their mother’s
occasional watchful glances.
The children’s joyfulness intermittently
brought smiles to Olanike’s face, but a question asked by our
correspondent seemed to briefly change that mood, wiping the smile off
her pretty face.
Our correspondent asked if it had
occurred to her that she and her children could lose Olawale someday,
sooner than they expected.
With a solemn look suggesting
understanding and contemplation, Olanike admitted that such thoughts had
crossed her mind but that she tried not to dwell on them.
“I try not to think about it but it’s
inevitable for all of us someday. That was the major reason why my
mother was against my marriage initially, but after she realised that my
mind was made up and that I was happy with him, she let go,” she
explained.
But it is not in all cases that you find
the man being the old one taking a beautiful and youthful woman as
partner, there are instances where women are much older than their
spouses, although rarely found in Nigeria.
But in all, there seems to be diverse
reasons for age-gap relationships and marriages. Findings show that the
older party is usually attracted by the youthfulness and vigour of his
or her younger partner. But findings also show that the attractions some
youths have for much older persons range from financial stability,
years of established careers, power and fame, to claims of genuine love
and that old partners are more caring, mature, disciplined,
knowledgeable, experienced, sexually skilled and indulgent.
For example, a young unmarried woman,
Stephanie, dating a 55-year-old man told our correspondent that she
would consider marrying him if he proposed to her.
Stephanie, 21, said she is attracted to her man friend’s intelligence and wealth.
“Olorunsogo ni mo wa, mi o si ni surulere (I
don’t have time for patience; I prefer to go for what is already on
ground). He takes care of my needs, what more can a woman ask for?” she
asked our correspondent, feigning seriousness.
“In turn, I keep him happy in bed and he
has no reason to complain because I give him what no one else gives him.
I tend to his needs in bed and treat him like a king.”
The beauty and the rich
There have been a few high profile marriages between beautiful young women and rich and powerful old men.
One of the most prominent of such
marriages is that of billionaire businessman, Chief Rasaq Okoya, 74, and
Shade, 36. In 2002 when the couple got married, Okoya was 62 years old
while Shade was just 24.
Early this year, the couple renewed their wedding vows at their grand residence in Lagos.
“He is a loving man, he’s a very generous
person, he’s loyal, he’s polite, he’s a very disciplined man, he is a
nice person, very humble and loving husband. He is different from what
he is known to be, everybody knows him to be a business man, an
entrepreneur, but in the house he’s a very loving person. I have learnt
his generosity and hard work,” she said while extolling her husband’s
virtues.
Also in a recent interview, Shade said she doesn’t keep artificial fingernails because Okoya likes his food in varieties.
“I must enter the kitchen everyday. I
make sure he is well taken care of. My husband likes varieties so I
don’t just cook one food. He takes them in bits. This is one of the
reasons you will never see me with artificial nails,” she said. Shade is
the Managing Director of Eleganza Fashion Products Limited.
Last year, 72-year-old Nigerian
businessman, Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, married 26-year-old Frances
Enwerem after losing his wife of 40 years, Eudora, to cancer.
Iwuanyanwu is 46 years older than his
wife, but the age difference notwithstanding, the couple had a lavish
wedding and both have been living happily after, (at least so it seems).
An ex-beauty queen, Susan Hart, who is
wedded to a renowned medical director who co-owns the popular Eko
Hospital, Olorogun Sunny Kuku, in spite of a huge age gap, recently gave
an insight into what some young women like herself like to see in old
men.
To her, the age difference is not an
issue in her marriage. “We are best of friends. My husband’s humility
and humbleness also makes us best friends,” she further explained,
describing the age gap as “nothing.”
“Where I come from in Port-Harcourt
(Rivers State), husbands are treated as kings. It’s the woman that makes
it work and this is why it’s so hard for people to know how long we
have been married.
“I accord him a lot of respect so he
won’t see himself missing anything when he gets outside. It’s the woman
who makes the marriage work. We have been married for a couple of years
now and I am still enjoying it like yesterday and he makes me really
happy. I have a son for him who is over 10 years old.”
Olorogun Kuku, who is an Ijebu chief, also shared his side of the story, also describing his wife as his friend.
“I don’t want to tell you how I met my
beautiful wife but I can tell you that she is my friend. She is the best
thing to have happened to me. As far as I am concerned, our meeting is
divine. I don’t have to think about what to wear again. She does all the
designs which come out nice just the way I want them.”
Just recently, a former Miss Nigeria UK,
Dabota Lawson, 26, confirmed her engagement to billionaire businessman,
Sunny Aku, who is in his fifties.
Reports have it that Aku has been
spoiling Lawson with expensive gifts and that their affection for each
other has continued to blossom.
Just recently, Dabota tweeted a picture
of a report on Aku in a national daily and its link, adding “At work and
just saw this. So proud of my hubby… .”
After some public bashing, ex-Miss Osun
State, Banke Oyelami, 24, came out to defend her marriage to 48-year-old
Hon. Rotimi Makinde, last year.
“It’s not about what he can give me, though meeting him has changed my life,” she admitted.
“He’s very intelligent, creative and
hardworking. And he’s a good person, to me, his children and everybody
around him. He wants the best for me. When he proposed to me, I told him
I was still in the university and he agreed to wait for me to finish
and he has been very patient and supportive of my education.
“People have been saying all sorts since
we announced our engagement but I am not bothered by the talk. I met a
good man who loves me and it feels good because I have everything in
him, a father, brother and friend. I feel secured because he’s very
mature and caring and I am looking forward to our life together.”
Another ex-beauty queen, Ene Lawani, who
was in a relationship with a much older John Obayuwana for seven years
before they broke up, told journalists that she had a thing for dating
old men.
Asked why she preferred old men, she
said, “let’s just say that I understand the older ones better and they
understand me better than the younger ones.
“No, I can make my money myself. It has
nothing to do with their money. I learn a whole lot from them; I like to
hang out with people I benefit from intellectually. Most importantly, I
learn a lot from their experiences.”
Recently, the Alaafin of Oyo, Oba Lamidi
Adeyemi, who is over 70 years old, caused a media buzz when pictures of
him and his four young wives trended on the social media. Adeyemi and
his young wives were on vacation in London, UK.
In an interview with Saturday PUNCH earlier
this year, 78-year-old Kessington Adebutu, spoke about his love for
women. Incidentally, Adebutu’s youngest wife, Kofo, had given birth to a
set of twins some months earlier after eight of marriage to the wealthy
philanthropist.
However, Adebutu, who said he had no
regrets being a polygamist, did not rule out marrying another wife. He
said he enjoyed the company of women.
